Friday, 16 May 2014

Blunt, Bedlam and housework waterworks

Last month I managed to get to a gig. My way too lovely friend Moira bought me and Ian tickets yay! We ended up front row thanks to my wheelchair...see every cloud and all that! My legs may be virtually useless but they got me to front row! See I'm such an optimist....

Now, many of you may judge me when I tell you who I went to see, but I don't care because I've had the most amazing time over the past 8 years because of them. Its James Blunt....I can hear you shouting at the screen! I've actually been to 40ish of his gigs since 2006....have been all over mainland UK, Paris and Sofia in Bulgaria.



At the time I first heard Back to Bedlam, Blunty's first album, in February 2005 I was broken, to put it simply. I'd been in an awful, terrible relationship until November 2004. I suffer from severe anxiety and depression anyway, but after that relationship I just stopped, being me, being alive I suppose. When my family looked at me I wasn't there. I was empty, it hurt to breathe. I didn't know who I was anymore. Then, on Friday 18th February 2005, I bought Back to Bedlam after seeing ads on tv and thinking it sounded good. I went to buy it and the woman was somewhat useless, she couldn't find it anywhere (maybe that was a sign?) but I persevered. I just knew I had to buy it then and there....or I'm just a stubborn sod. For a start, this was the first time a spark of me had come back. I didn't care about anything before that, wouldn't demand or fight for anything. So already the man was putting me back together again. I got home and started pottering around the house with the album on in the background. I will never ever forget the moment that Goodbye My Lover came on. I was changing my bedding and I just stopped dead and cried silently. Tears streaming so hard I couldn't see. Yet I didn't make a sound. Then I put in on repeat and sat on the edge of my unmade bed and sobbed my heart out. I cried so hard I couldn't breathe. Then, when the sobbing ended I felt better. Better than I had for months. Somehow, that song, that album, that man brought me back. I needed something to connect to and, with Back to Bedlam and Goodbye My Lover, I found it. I won't say I was fixed and I didn't hurt anymore, because that would be a lie. I was present again though, even though that meant I had to feel all the pain again. At least when my family looked at me, I was there!

After that first day, I went online to find out if he had a website I could nosy at. I found his site, and his message board....and that became my home for the next four or five years. It allowed me to connect with people, to be myself without the risk of rejection and pain. This, too, helped me claw my way back. I bought a ticket for a gig the following February, 22nd February 2006 to be exact....which turned out to be his birthday. I didn't really have anyone to go with, as most my friends weren't really gig-goers (I like that completely made up term!) or they were busy. So I screwed up every ounce of courage I'd ever had and went alone. I did not, however, stay alone for long! A boardie (what we message board members called themselves, well that or Bedlamites!) who was also alone, went along the queue looking for me as she knew I was alone too. So, that night I made a new friend, someone I never would have spoken to if I hadn't 'met' her online before.

As to the rest of the night, and the epic journey that followed......to be continued.......

Thanks for popping by!

Jan
x

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